Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter once said, “There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers.”
Today is National Caregiver’s Day, a day to recognize and appreciate the caregivers in your life. Many of you know that I served as a family caregiver first for my mom in 2019 and then for my dad in 2023 as they each faced cancer. However, I really began to feel the extreme magnitude of caregiving about two months after my father was hospitalized with sepsis.
At that point in my caregiving journey, I felt like a complete failure in all aspects of my life. My reduced work schedule meant my subordinates and colleagues had to pick up many of my time-sensitive work projects. My extended time away from home caused stress as I tried to juggle my share of responsibilities at our house while taking over more and more of Dad’s household management. And as a caregiver, I felt like a trapeze artist who had released my hold on the bar. I assumed the next bar would be easily within reach. Instead, I felt the terrifying sensation of my fingers slipping as Dad’s condition deteriorated exponentially faster than my reaction time.
I finally began to share my caregiving story with others in hopes of finding suggestions and resources. I was shocked to realize that multiple people in my immediate sphere were navigating similar situations. At least three people at work, two sets of friends, and multiple strangers shared their own stories when I would express the challenges of balancing work and caregiving responsibilities. They, too, suffered in silence because the blessings and burdens of caregiving occur most often in lonely solitude.
So today, I want to encourage everyone reading this to reach out to someone serving as a caregiver and at the very least say, “I see how much you are doing for your loved one.” If you have the time and resources, you might also consider giving a small token of appreciation, offering to sit with the loved one for a few hours so the caregiver can get a break, or dropping a home-cooked meal by their home.
If you are a caregiver reading this and you feel alone, please know that you are not. In fact, here’s a tip: When someone asks, “What’s new?” as you engage in chit-chat at the beginning of work meetings or in social gatherings, you are perfectly entitled to say, “I have begun providing care for my (insert family member) struggling with (insert diagnosis).” This doesn’t mean you’ll only discuss this situation, as kids, sports, or your recent favorite binge-worthy show will also likely find a way into your conversation. However, by sharing that one sentence, you give permission to anyone else on the same journey to share their experience with you. Not only does this reduce feelings of isolation, but we can also learn from each other.
In closing, to all current family caregiver’s out there…we see you, we appreciate you, and we are here for you. See www.first40.net for resources and support. For everyone else, please take a moment today to express your gratitude for the caregivers in your life.
